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Haiku re haiku - Life is strange... — LiveJournal

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Mar. 24th, 2007

12:02 pm - Haiku re haiku

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Hi!

I was up in the middle of the night for no good reason, and this is one of the sillier things I did: 

the haiku form
limits expression, so allows
more potent ideas

five, seven, five, each
one has to convey such weight
since there are so few

word selection means
more here than elsewhere, except
perhaps a tombstone
Let me know what you think.

Cheers! generalist

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Current Location: home
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: brokeback sparta
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Comments:

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From:xthread
Date:March 24th, 2007 07:09 pm (UTC)
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I'm curious that you broke the scansion on the last line on the last verse - why 'perhaps a tombstone' instead of 'perhaps on tombstones'?
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From:shadowsmark
Date:March 24th, 2007 09:57 pm (UTC)
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I don't think the scansion's broken....it's more that the grammar was awkward--which you fixed. I guess either way though, it's jarring, which is the import of your question.
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From:generalist
Date:March 26th, 2007 08:59 pm (UTC)
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Hi!

I said 'perhaps a tombstone', not 'perhaps on tombstones' because I was setting up a comparison and tension between 'here' (i.e. in this poem) and 'elsewhere' ('a tombstone'). I think of tombstones more as places than as things, thus I was thinking of a tombstone as an example of 'elsewhere', rather than thinking (as you did): 'written here' vs 'written on tombstones'. My lack of pluralization of 'tombstone' was deliberate as well, since I find each tombstones so unique that I hardly can think of the lot of them as a class. So what I wrote still fits what I was thinking better than your suggested correction, yet I agree that most people would prefer your version, because it would better scan to the way you (and they) would naturally think. But the meaning is different.

Thanks! generalist

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From:owlmoose
Date:March 25th, 2007 07:26 pm (UTC)
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Meta haiku! I love it. Especially the last one. :)
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